Wakeup Breathing

I know that there are a few that read my posts and I appreciate the comments I have recieved from you. I also know that the last post was quite a deviation from what I normally write about. But in the real world things happen in everyone’s life that change your normal way of thinking.

In this case it was mine. You never expect someone you love to take their own life. That is something that happens to “other” families not mine. You see news about someone killed in an accident or some other event. But you always know in your mind that it is some other family so it doesn’t rate the front of your mind attention level.

But when it hits your family it rates your undivided attention. The fact that our economy is in trouble or that oil is at record levels is insignificant compared to what my family is experiencing. Do I care a little less now that gas is almost 4 bucks a gallon…yep

Do I feel for people out of work because our government is printing money like it’s going out of style and making it worthless…..yes I do. Is it wrong? yes and it hurts to know people are suffering.

But in reality…the worlds suffering is not quite as important as it was a few days ago. When someone in your family dies or is killed in an accident it is a tragedy…..but when a loved one takes their own life…it is a total mystery.

You ask yourself why, what could I have done, could I have done more, could I have done anything….

Hundreds of questions invade your mind wondering if there was anything that could have changed the events…..
And after a while you know there is not really anything we could have done. Predetermined events unfold in a predetermined way….and thats the way it is.

Look at your family, your friends and be aware of things or words or anything that could give you a clue to any pain that your loved one may not verbalize….I cannot get the words out of my head that can accurately describe what it is like to have someone you love take their own life.

I can only say hug your kids, family and friends and pray you never see this in your family….

Hopefully tomorrow I wakeup breathing…..

I attended a memorial yesterday…..it was for my nephew Daniel. Daniel ended his own life after only 21 years 8 months of living. About 350 people attended and it was standing room only, attesting to the lives he touched.

Daniel was the kindest most caring young man you would probably ever meet. Always willing to help anyone and never an unkind word. Daniel always had a positive attitude with a never give up take on anything he put his attention to. He was known as the “go to” guy by his friends as he always had an answer to their questions.

His guy friends could also talk to him about things that other guys wouldn’t discuss or didn’t talk about.

He was in his third year of college persueing a degree as an environmental engineer after graduating from high school with a 4.62 GPA. He was very environmentally aware while partipating in one of his favorite activities of off-roading with 4 wheel drive vehicles. He could be found picking up trash that other off roaders had left behind.

There was a dark secret in Daniel that none of his family or friends knew about. Something that caused him so much pain that he could no longer absorb or hide. We will never know what that pain was or will we ever understand what Daniel was feeling.

All any of us can do is remember that bright star that burned for 21 years 8 months and touched so many people.

There may be nothing any of us could have done to change Daniel from his course had we known of his pain. But it has made me more watchful of my family and friends for signs of pain in their lives.

I believe Daniel was there yesterday in spirit. After we had all said our words about Daniel a side door suddenly opened. There was no wind, no draft that would have caused the heavy door to open. I believe it was Daniel leaving the room after knowing we would all be ok.

Good bye Daniel we love you very much!

Well it might seem I stopped writing but I really didn’t…..I was on a 10 day cruise in the Carribean. I had all the best intentions of writing eveyday but……..???

When you wakeup every morning in a new port with new things to explore and experience your best intentions can go out the window. So basically everyday I thought about writing but I didn’t. Partly because I was distracted and partly because internet use on the ship is 75 cents a minute.

And since I write because I enjoy it and not because I am trying to make money from it, I decided to not spend 30 bucks a day taking an hour or so writing to my blog.

I’m sure my two or three daily readers wondered what happened….

Well thats what happened……vacation got in the way of living. Anyway the cruise was awesome. We were on the Emerald Princess. A huge ship with about 3000 passengers. Absolutely beautiful ship with incredible food and service.

We have been on smaller ships and prefer the huge ones. Much more to do especially at night. We like the night life on board the larger ships. We we went to the Bahamas, St. Thomas, St. Kitts, St Lucia, Bardados and Antigua.
All beautiful places with lots to see. The weather was a little unusual for the time of year.

It was actually cool in most of the islands…..must be that evil “global warming” Algore talks about. One night at sea it was very rough with the ship really moving in the rough seas. And with a ship about 1000 feet long, the size of an aircraft carrier it takes some big seas to make it bounce around.

We anyway it was great! We booked next years cruise while on this one and will be going back the Carribean again but different ports this time. So I’m back and will get back to the grindstone in a day or so after I get back on California time instead of Carribean time.

There was one part that really sucked….the flight home yeasterday. We were in Huston and got stuck on the runway for 2 hours because of weather so our 3 hour flight was almost 6 hours on the plane…YUCK!!!